There are a lot of things that can tear a marriage apart, including going bankrupt several years back when the housing market fell and my businesses right along with it, which didn’t help our situation either. That crash got my attention and brought about a change in me, an ever increasing effort to get wife back by helping her out more and more and trying to make her happy.
But after some time I realized that no matter how much I did, nothing seemed to help, the decline just kept pulling us down an ever ending hill, and the bottom was coming up quick! I begged her to tell me what was going on, but she would just get quieter and quieter which triggered more frustration and anger in me.
How can two people who’s story started out being brought together from opposite sides of the world, grow so far apart again? I went to Africa for six months at the age of 25. A sweet girl back home in America was told about me and so she wrote and shared her life with me. I responded and the perfect story book story unfolded of two people who fell in love over the miles through countless letters.
Her favorite song, “Somewhere out there”, would hold hope for her while she waited for me to come home to the States. Many of my letters to her contained poems I would write to share my undying love I had for her.
How then can something so amazing just fall apart? All I could think about now was how I would get my nadine caridi back, to get her to understand how much I love her. But everything I did only caused further frustration and confusion. In fact at times the only way I could describe it was a feeling of insanity, a sense of imprisonment. I could think of nothing more I could do to get my wife back; anything at all was eluding me.
I asked her on a number of occasion’s what she thought the problem was, and that I would do anything to change, to make this work. She only said that it has always been like this, and that we have never done anything to really connect or love each other like two people should, putting herself into the same place.
We have three children, and the thought of us living separately was devastating. What would the future hold for our children and our grand-children? Their children would never utter the words, “can we go to grandpa and grandma’s house?” The thought that their children growing up and living with multiple relationships was crushing to the core.
After all hope seemed to be gone, we were talking one evening and I said a statement I dreaded to make that would only bring about the thing I feared the most, separation and then divorce. I said, “where will you live, and what happens to the children?”
My wife answered and said, “I decided several months ago that I was leaving you, I have already been looking into housing and am planning on the children staying with me.” I was calm as I felt my world come crashing down. A sadness like never before enveloped me, and all I wanted to do was die.
But There Is Hope
I am writing this because I want you to know there is hope, even after separation, even after divorce. That a relationship the second time around, following some proven methods can get your wife back and as a whole new person you will fall in love with all over again!
But I want to write some statements first related to how I was thinking, and my guess is to how you are thinking as well. You most likely entered the words, “get wife back” or similar because you have run out of ideas, and your emotions are devastated, and you want some answers.
- I have done everything I can think of to please her, and yet she doesn’t respond.
- I have asked her to tell me what is wrong, because I want to correct it.
- I tell her that she should love me because we told each other that we would be committed to each other for better and for worse.
- I know she no longer respects me because she never listens to any of my advise.
- I tell her that I have the solutions to many of the problems we are having. I even show her the advise others have shared with me to prove my point.
- I have told her I was sorry many times, and that she should just forgive me and let this stuff go – lets move on!
- I told her that statistics show that children of divorced homes end up getting into relationships that fail.
- I smile at her often and tell her she is beautiful or that she looks really nice, but she isn’t even thankful.
- I went out an bought her a new car, but she said she didn’t want it and found an old one that was just fine for her.
I could go on and on with what seems like reasonable arguments to fix my wife’s broken heart, but the more I tried to show her, even with proven information, she just seemed to get further away from me. Nothing I could say or do seemed to do any good, and in fact only caused more pain. If you read these statements carefully, you will find a person who is trying to control his wife, and control the outcome.